Neil's Blog - 12th December 2009

Driving, buying and being a passenger - Cars in Thailand

What a nightmare – Or is it really?

We’ve all taken (or you’ll just be soon to take) that taxi, tuk-tuk or motorbike taxi ride from hell. I’ve had them all. Taxi rides – from the driver who insisted on singing Elvis ballads through 58 minutes of traffic jams. I didn’t give him a tip. I just pretended I was from Memphis and promised him Priscilla’s autograph. Also there is an infamous taxi driver who picks up near my school who has tourettes syndrome and twitches and jerks whilst mumbling expletives’ to himself between indicating and changing gear with his chin. The tuk-tuks ( I think this translates to cheap-cheap, though not really) are the noisy three wheelers that Bangkok is famous for. The last tuk-tuk I rode was for the benefit of friends that came to stay with me from England. The driver insisted on doing “wheelies” at every change of green light much to our horror and his hysterical amusement. This was dangerous but fine up until the point he laughed so much at one intersection he spat out his false teeth and spent at least two minutes fumbling about near his clutch pedal with only tertiary glance at the traffic whizzing around him. Motorbike taxis I only take for a short ride down minor roads. After I’ve smelt their breath for alcohol and made them walk ten paces in a straight line.

“I have done almost every human activity inside a taxi which does not require main drainage.”
Alan Brien

So what can be done to avoid these transport horrors at all cost? Well drive yourself! Scary eh? Do not be put off because you’ve experienced the horrors of the Bangkok traffic as a passenger. Driving yourself is actually a much more serene experience However; you do have to change your driving style. Thailand has a much more selfless driving culture. Giving way to people is a national trait. If there’s a small gap here someone will want to nudge in. Let them. In turn they will let you and so the traffic flows and doesn’t gridlock too often. Don’t be alarmed about lane changes. Stay in your lane, with a safe a breaking distance as possible, if you need to overtake use any lane available. Constantly check your mirrors. Expect the totally unexpected. For example, only last night, I was driving down a busy but small minor road worrying why there was none of the usual oncoming traffic. In the distance on a sharp right hand bend I saw a man in the road waving me on. Round the corner waiting to turn were two coaches full of Japanese tourists, three fully grown elephants and a Chinese dragon band. Elephants are fine because they always tie a blank CD to their tails which reflect headlight glare.

Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by its maker.
Anon

Buying a car. Well this is easy due to the fact that as everywhere in the world, Thai garages just love to sell cars. The facts from my experience. You can buy a car with a work permit OR a type “B” or “O” visa. I know this because I’ve successfully done it three times. The problem with the type “O” or “B” visa versus a work permit is that when you come to sell it, the transfer of ownership may then require a copy of a work permit. Or so I was told. Anything is possible I suppose and I’m sure there must be a way around that problem. The issue you may face is the garages reluctance to put themselves ever so slightly out to register the vehicle in your name. They may say it’s is too difficult and it would be easier to register the vehicle under a Thai friends name. Don’t do this as it’s not necessary. The garage can do it. Try saying “No thank you” and walk away. They’ll run after you, I promise.

If paying cash you will need a bankers draft from a Thai bank. Make sure they spell the garage’s name correctly. You also need an embassy letter confirming your residential address (totally exorbitant fees apply)

Finance – I recently did this and the bank that gave finance had the rules that no work permit then a 25% deposit – work permit 20% deposit. Different rates may apply to different banks. It was a five minute job to obtain clearance though. I don’t know why they sent a man around on a motorbike a few days later to take a picture of my gate and rubbish bins. They have the house number on you see (?!). Really low finance rates as at December 2008 – 0% to about 3%.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine’.
Tommy Cooper

Accidents do happen. Anyone can have the odd clip or bash. Do not panic. As long as you have bought a first class insurance policy then fine. Do not listen to what anyone says to you. Do not move your car. Call your insurance company. Be very polite to everyone. Let the insurance person handle it. That’s what you have paid for. They all arrive very quickly by motorbike. Even when you know one hundred percent that you were not at fault do not be goaded by police, “independent” witnesses etc. Just let it all flow over your head and let the insurance representative sort it out. They have seen it all before here and on a daily basis, hourly I should think. Just smile and keep humming to yourself “Always look on the bright side of life”.

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”
Dylan Moran

Police and a licence? It is, unfortunately, inevitable that you will be stopped by the Royal Thai Police. I can’t say it isn’t a frightening experience because that would be untrue. I also can’t verify sight of the invisible equipment they have at their dispose for speed verification. All I can say is that I’ve found it easier to suggest that I pay any fine “now” as opposed to sometime later at a far and distant, dimly lit and inhospitable police station surrounded by rabid dogs and sausage sellers. I don’t pretend to know the legalities of it all. I just smile and say “Sawatdee Krap” and pay what they ask.

It is in your own interest to obtain a Thai driving licence after six months on the road. Or so I’m told. My excuse is always (and mine is a UK driving licence) that it’s an “International” document. Beware that some insurance companies will not pay out, as per their small print, unless you have a Thai driving document.

“Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac”
George Carlin

I hope that this has helped you in your decision. Passenger or driver???? Please form two orderly queues. Cheques payable to E.R.R.F please (Elephant Road Rage Fund Thailand - Registered Charity No 13224 – 24c, no stamps or luncheon vouchers accepted – Amex and 7/11 stickers welcome).

6th November 2009

How to avoid a financial crisis between paydays